confronting my wife's lover

That I forgave her. She then responded saying not to blame her blah blah. Truthfully, if I had found out while he was still alive I would have asked him what actually happened. I would tell her family members the truth. My errand accomplished nothing. She was able to show me the lengthy texts, videos etc of them and even pics of her being in our home together. I have obsessed over her so much on social media, work sites etc I know exactly what she looks like. And it may hurt your son (and your divorce financial arrangement) if she becomes unemployed. So while you may have an @manup I'm not sure how I can proceed without telling her, surely that is the next step to confront her about the affair. Don't make me explain it to you. At some point my FIL will pass away and I'm sure the AP will show up at the funeral. I told her how the affair made me feel- angry, betrayed, sad. No trial, no investigation and proof. Your identity and who you are has changed. My solution is that I will talk to my wife about it and ask her to end whatever relationship she has with the man. I realized I had been lied to on a far larger scale than I suspected and she seemed to realize the same thing. When she does, I just make myself a fake profile using the name of fictional characters, and post all the details of her affair, including photos and videos she sent on her FB page, buried in comments on old posts. More often than not, it's better to keep the discussion between you and your spouse rather than involve the other person. Copyright 2004 Anyhow, I stayed because of our daughter and I allowed it to be her one mistake. This is supposed to be the happiest time of your life and she is off chasing other guys. Tell her that you KNOWpoint blank, irrefutably. The law states that if you contact somone more than one time and they don't want to her from you because it makes them feel uncomfortable or bad about themselves it can be looks at as a " course of conduct" and you can be issued a warning. (The affair is over.). Ive heard rumors that my wife is cheating. There can be any number of reasons, but I do suggest you try to get your mind off the affair partner and onto your own recovery - that is much more productive. How to Deal With a Lying Spouse. Rick's comment that people affair down, not up, is very interesting & my guess is that he's right. To this day my ex wife does not know how I found out. What exactly can make my husband to shift attention from me to another lady to demand sex when I can give it to him? Are you sure it's a councillor not a solicitor? This is the first time in my life that Ive lived alone, and its a little exhilarating. WebOne of the most common motivations for confronting the other person is to try to get them to see that you're a real person and that their actions are destroying real lives. Not as bad as you, but I do fell your pain. WebPlease advise. Give your wife a sweet hug when she leaves for office. @owl thank you for your advice, it is really helping. Dude, your "world" has already collapsed. Why? It took my husband 7 weeks to fully disclose what had taken place. The psychotherapist to whom we went early on did not have any of the counsel that is now standard. The letter outlined what had been going on in our lives over the last couple years and how I understood what and why my husband had been looking for attention. Two more weeks go by with no contact. Being in an affair has been likened to addiction, and in confronting the affair partner, you're trying to sober them up. That is all. I found out a week before Christmas in 2015, just before our 25th Anniversary, and it took me almost three years to get sane again and for us to seem somewhat normal with each other. His wife pleaded with me to not contact him until she could serve him with the divorce papers because being a very high profile person in our small town that if word got out it would ruin his reputation and he would have no reason to sign the papers that would have meant a very large settlement to her. A few IMPORTANT things. The marriage is between my husband and me. You deserve much better than this. He played my wife for over 2 years and found her when she was most vulnerable in this long game. To learn when registration opens back up, click the button below. I never If you really think she will change then I have huge admiration for you, but it'll be a rough journey and you need to be able to be open with each other. Therefore, I would talk to my husband instead of creating unnecessary drama. For #1, your marriage might end up working out. What did I learn that I could trust? I am not sorry that I did, but I probably did fuel the fire some. If they can, then at least give it another chance. Patience is a virtue, especially under the most trying circumstances. A lying, deceitful, manipulator. Hi after almost 3 years the AP contacted me. Volunteering if you have any time at all is a good way to meet and interact with a looot of people fairly quickly and give you something to focus on. Don't go all vigilante on this alone. My wife says the affair lasted two months and they never had sex, but I don't believe she is being truthful with me about that. Tough! Ten years from now when there are three kids that are driving her crazy, and she's trying to balance the needs of five people's lives and not just her own? You want to Were on the path to divorce, and family members will inevitably ask why. Maybe you did this. Not yours. Ill disgrace myself, kids, family if I do that- Ibrahim Badmus. I love her so much and am scared to confront her about it for fear of what may happen, I suppose I'm hoping if I ignore it she will get over it and everything will go back to normal, but I know deep down that this is naive and weak. Conflicts are Aaaandlaughed. My husband told me half the truth, she told me the rest in the hope Id kick him out. I want to slap you! She vowed to leave him and told me she had divorce papers ready to go. There is no room in my heart for hate. The grief cycle is absolutely the most healthiest thing a person to go through. Leave it up to her to decide what to tell her family. So I suppose I have quite a bit of power right now to screw up her life, and this fact probably dawned on her in the day or so after I confronted her, and I think she sees reconciliation as the path of least resistance to avoiding these dangers. As a person of faith I dug deep and clung tightly to my identity in Christ. It can start with your attitude and habits toward mudane chores, and grow into appreciation for the littlest of lifes pleasures. Nobody and I repeat nobody respects a doormat. Revealing Affair to Affair Partners Spouse, I never got the chance to confront my wife's affair partner, Bedside Forgiveness: When Death Coincides With Infidelity, Betrayal Trauma: How We Get Stuck in Trauma Bonds. I wish you luck and stop being afraid. This has nothing to do with each others families. Wow. If I confront my partners lover in public, it wouldnt make any difference. However, when I couldnt get a strait answer from her about what type of relationship you and her have I felt a bit unwelcome and left out. Just Wow. This was 1.5 years ago and they have maintained a close friendship with her. They spoke in a similar way. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. makes your wife really central. I just give you my opinion from some real life experiences. If you are going through it, I wish you faith, hope, and persistence. I understand and agree with all of the 8 listed, however, my UW AP lives a couple miles down the road and we will inevitably run into each other. She sent him a nasty gram including things like " I was forced to listen to her message" that she "almost felt sad for me listening to my voice" and when I asked her for "conformation of status" in my message she replied to him with "That girl has trust issues" he didn't reply. I would not want something like that to happen. Talking to the other person can cut both wayssometimes it drives a wedge between a cheating spouse and his or her lover. Should I wait to see the outcome of that? WebI confronted my wife's lover the morning after I found out. I've documented this experience in previous posts. I feel that it is great that you do the same . Yes, you most definitely should and I'll tell you why. Chances are if u are debating a subject such as this you've recently found out your wife che I would highly recommend giving this a try. I wish i had never done this and had never said anything to my H. Just for my ducks in a row and left preserving my dignity. Surprisingly, some husbands, end up hoping and accepting a stalemate where the wife settles down into an 'equilibrium' balancing her husbands' physical needs with that of the 'other guy' or 'other guys'. I wish you all strength. As you already admitted, given the situation find yourself in, your self confidence is broken, you can not think straight, and your mind is just going crazy trying to make sense of it all. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Like my husband stood up to defend my honor, becquse we did Iit together! of the situation. I made my vowels to him, not them, dont owe them anything. They didnt decide to wreck your marriage. *Focus on rebuilding connections ASAP. He denied it at first but when faced with the undeniable evidence I presented to the pastor he confessed, said he was sorry (to the pastor - never to me or my wife) for what he had done, and that was that. Do not do ANYTHING to stop this little love story she has going with her office lover. She said it's over, but I know it's not. This article originally appeared on YourTango. Have a gameplan in place for dealing with that. She found my number on her husband's phone bill and called me. It's ours. When we met I did not confront him but rather simply asked him how it started & what it meant to him & so on. I wished her no ill will, I just needed her to confirm that it is as in fact over. Save. File for divorce dude. Apart from being married, I have an image to protect. My wife has been acting very strangely, very distant over the last month, saying that she is confused and doesn't know what she wants from life. The last thing you want to do is let another person have the power to control your peace of mind. jesus My friend you are in big time denial. Please seek professional care if you believe you may have a condition. Marriage is between two people; the husband and wife. That was in 1993, then, in 2019 I discovered that my H didnt stop at this 1 affair, he continued trying to fill his personal void throughout our entire marriage and this included reigniting his affair with this first woman years after I extended the olive branch Does this make me a chump? I need advice on how to handle this with my wife - and if you help me I will post links to videos of her with face blurred I am vindicated! His lover is not a problem at all to me. I will probably always love her. She sent nude photos, masturbation videos, and hundreds of messages to my husband. Your wife does not respect you or your marriage. Plus, others opinions will confuse you. Think about yourself man, it's all you can do. Part of HuffPost News. Sorry, but better to find out now that she is what she is than 10 years down the road. He turned so pale, looking like he honestly thought Id never find out at all. WebBefore seeking to confront your spouses lover, consider the possibility that such a meeting may actually do more harm than good. They now live the life I was supposed to have. Never. Only God can make this work. However, there IS good news for each confronting a cheater reaction. She had been deceiving me for 2 years whilst having an affair with my husband, manipulating situations, even sending anon letters to give me hints he is over the side in the hope I will kick him out do they can be together without me ever realisingwhy all of the sudden she would be telling me the truth. Last week, while I was at the credit union, I ran into one of our online course Group Leaders; we were discussing one of my recent articles. It was true, I DID have to have them. I know you want to tell them off, but it's futile for a variety of reasons. Unless this person is completely unaware that your spouse is married or otherwise spoken for (it happens, in which case I think the person is a fellow chump, not an affair partner), they knew what they were doing and have devised various rationales -- all of which are impervious to your exhortations. Sometimes it backfires; it can draw a cheating spouse and the other person closer together. She asked me about particular details only a lover would know. It was a confusing, emotional and destructive time in my life, to say the least. Do NOT confront your sweet wife with anything. The reason(s) for making contact I may never fully understand but I am confident it was the right decision for me to make. In such a situation, the other person may be able to gain the upper hand by saying things which make you look foolish or not in control What a s$%&show. b) Making point a) above, redundantwherein you and your attorney so shame her with a few select documentary evidences of her picadilloes (promising her that a much larger cache evidence is available with your attorney), that she decides not to contest the divorce, and virtually signs on dotted lines. Recovery took a long time, but now we are getting better. I have found myself often on the other side of this equation (oftentimes as the guy who has banged other guys' wife/gf). My H is pursuing healing, our marriage is fully restored and thriving, we are living our best lives. My initial contact with my wife's AP was to let him know the gig was up. My husbands job was about to dictate him to be working out of the town he and his AP spent time in on a two week gone one week home schedule for the next three months. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Most likely, youll come across as being insincere and manipulative. I even invited further contact so that she could 'work it out.'. That it is normal. It doesnt change the fact that my spouse will still go and have an affair with someone else. This is not your problem, this is hers. The person I have business with is my husband. Worked in my case, but I get why you'd advise against it. break off all contact with you till I was informed. Also definately dont tell how you know - it's none of her business and it's imaterial anyway plus it just gives her a chance to turn things on you. Do talk to her about the situation. Have you watched those recovery programs? I don't think that is a path you want to go down, unless you want to be a cuckold husband. 1. Sleep in the #%(^ing middle. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. What youre going through, is called the dreaded grief cycle. In fact, it's a natural, self-protective response. Our baby is now 8 mo. Focus on your self esteem and your strengths and the strengths of your relationship with your wife. Probably not. We treat each other differently now. Can't you see you're dealing with an uber being? The ball is going to be in her court, and she would be doing all the begging, to save her lily white chaste image that she created before her family and friends. There are no secrets with her family. You will now need to get tested for STD's as well as your wife. What is your deal? Whats wrong with you? Leave the wife and go away its her fault to have her lovers all together. Get rid of her you dont need He didnt but I keep a close eye on him. Each day with be different. Wednesday 18 January 2023 05:42, UK If its possible, I dont want to lose that. Ive had to live with that dude in my life for over a decade told not to confront because of the kids. See what her answer is. Trying to get them to "get it" is futile. She used our meeting to gain sympathy from her husband. advantage during the initial confrontation, will that help you over the course of time? Id gone to the extremes of thinking about stepping out the back door of life, missing the two people that mattered most, but God will never give you more than you can handle. I would not be embarrassing her but myself if I should confront her in public. When he ended the affair, the in-laws were enraged and drove 8 hours to our city to "comfort her" since she was so devastated. Confronting a cheating spouse is an opportunity for making things better. I was trying for medical school, and my grades were pristine. As a result of their friendship with her, our children and I have cut off contact with them. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, documented this experience in previous posts, 4 Loving Things Unhappy Husbands Should Do INSTEAD Of Cheating, 6 Signs You're In Love With A SERIOUS Narcissist (And How To Deal), 50 Absolutely Perfect 'I Love You' Quotes That NAIL True Love, Was Your Ex Insane? Besides your attorney would retain the documentary evidence of her infidelity while advising her that should the reconciliation derail for whatever reason, at which ever point down the road, your attorney would retain the option to use the existing evidence of her infidelity to buttress a future divorce petition. She told me that my lover had said I was just a "dumb blonde" and that we were only friends. My partner lies whenever I have asked for the truth. Will confronting the other woman or man only further his or her resolve? Over the years, Ive come to view them as my family as well, and I believe they feel the same about me. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. Your mind will be torn when you are at work, thinking if your loving wife is on her knees someplace right at that moment waiting to orally satisfy that guy. The person I have business with is my husband not her-Tobiloba Oko-Oboh. I was friendly with her as well so I contacted her and she was stunned that my wife had told me about the affair. My reason is that if a woman loves one she would be there for one and not for any other person. Insist on divorce? Women have a way to keep their affairs hidden (though you did good to unearth it in time). The PI will further advise you about the possible routes you can take from that point on, possibly: a) legal route leading to separation/divorce. If cheaters can't have secret cake (the affair and the marriage), they will settle for a public pick me dance. Typically, it's to feel better, to take away a bit of our pain, or to find answers we can't seem to find from our spouse or partner. Told her to call him and tell him HER HUSBAND wants to talk to him. Not there yet. You! My life changed for the better after that night. I ghosted her and have always felt like I missed the opportunity to let her have it! Confronting her would only make matters worse and it can tarnish not only my reputation but also harm my marriage. Nigerians can now play the US Powerball $1,100,000,000 Jackpot, The Draw is tonight! Really man, get some self-respect. I agree with this article but sometimes the choice is taken from you. Obviously, she has her own demons to battle. Rick, thank you for this article. That was and still is the most painful experience I have ever endured. Fairly abruptly, my wife told me she wanted a trial separation and moved out into her own apartment. I have no idea whether they are still in touch. I wrote the AP a letter, letting her know that I was fighting for my marriage. If you do not respect yourself then who will? I'll never know for sure. *You are continuous and undying. After all is said and done, some of you will still feel an overwhelming need to confront the affair partner. She went for sympathy from her ex-husband as well as mine. I think it is amazing what you decided to do. KEEP IT FOCUSED ON HER ACTIONS, NOT YOURS. There's nothing abnormal about a woman whose partner has cheated wanting to confront the other woman. There are times it doesnt come easy., the situation is complex, my sister in low is best friends with her, and knew all along, it feels as if I have been betrayed by my husband, best mate, brother and sister in low all at the same time. I wonder if she's still married to my ex-lover and if she's happy. If you have no one and just want to vent, please send me a message and I will listen to all you want to say on skype. But I would tell the truth, just the facts. Thanks everyone for your messages. Frustrating isn't the word for how I felt. He was old, ugly, and weak. He didn't stand up for us. A couple of things to consider: What is your intention? One more charismatic and sexier than you? My only advice is get out NOW. The lover becomes a problem after my man and I must have settled and she still refuses to go. I hope it infuriates her. 1. I agree with this article. The best person to face if such a situation arises is my husband. ]com), one When she returns home with her cum stained panty underneath, please hug her again, and tell her how much you love her, and how she is the apple of your eye. Do not fight around him or anything. So that now when I do think of one of the horrible details, all I feel is victory!!! She was responsible for his travel arrangements. Do you really want to help him as you say you do? Hard to not want to confront him. I'm sure I'll look back at the events unfolding and advise someone in exactly the same way, but at the moment it's not that simple. Many of them come specialized in the art of 'spousal cheating', and would be more than happy to render their services and time to you, for a fee which is reasonable. Mine lives on our Street. I found this a little bizarre, because she didnt seem all that earnest or enthusiastic about it. All rights reserved. Butwhat do you intend to do with this confrontation? If you go to her place of employment to cause her to maybe lose her job, well that is going beyond letting her (enjoy and) suffer the consequences of her actions, it is creating consequences by your initiative. So I planned to go with him for one of his away weeks. You need to divorce her right now. The most common rationale is that you are sexless and crazy. 1 year marriage, no kids, GET OUT. Don't play your hand that you *know* about the other man. Your wife had a 20 year affair, and you believe it was none of her fault? This article will help you to prepare, be effective, and avoid conflict. All Rights Reserved. If he has a lover aside from me, it is his cup of tea. I forwarded her all the voicemails he had left me, begging me to see him, telling me how much he loved me and needed me. I have waited a year and have given it a lot of thought. And to make matters more complicated, how someone responds during the confrontation doesnt necessarily indicate how they will respond after he or she has had time to think about what was said. I traveled to a random country and got off the plane realizing it was a Muslim country. There is no need for me to confront my spouses lover in public. You cannot. I work through things and my coping skills are excellent. This is just a new beginning. She is not the woman you thought she was. Making a habit of going out of the house regularly will help tremendously with depression. I will not confront her. Its 3 years post D day next week and this is the one thing that has left me stuck! Your not a wimp for being cheated on or for being in shock at this discovery. You haven't even been M that long! This also backfired. Go get a big steak, go lift some weights and then think about this. provide your spouse with the opportunity to openly demonstrate how much he/she cares about his/her lover. So confronting an affair partner? Get professional support. Me? The Day My Lover's Wife Confronted Me About Sleeping With Her Husband. I did learn some details from his wife after her conversations with him, however, that my wife had been lying about, which was helpful. It's about us. I need nothing from him. It might also extend to the rules of law. Plus, my husband is a photographer and I have his photos of her too. I will not fight for anything or give any reason to do that. We dont take each other for granted as we now know what boundaries are non-negotiable. Goes to show you its all their own issues, not anything to do with us. You might find out what would shock you: Before you agree to meet with the other man/woman you must analyze the possibilities of what you might be told and how it might My advice is that you need to confront your wife. Your relationship is with her, not with her lovers. Do not reveal how you know. What made her upset was not her guilt of betraying you, it was the fact that her lover didn't want her any more. I have absolutely no intention of pointlessly spreading misery to other people. My username is signalhill84. This should not be and I will try to avoid it. If they cant give you that promise, you really dont have much to work with. There is no point doing that. What you will be going through is denial, bargaining, depression, anxiety, resentment, anger, etc. I recently discovered my husband of 19 years had been involved in an 8 month long affair with a co worker from an other town 7 hours away. She even apologized, and sounded sincere. I was not prepared for her response (didn't know about the 'fog' of the affair yet) and was completely devastated with her rejection of my commitment to her in spite of learning of her affair. Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. I Literally just gave birth to his child and we live together. Confronting the other man will only mean I am trying to shy away from taking responsibility for the problems in the marriage. Not addressed to him but the office. Maybe the relationship wasnt meant to last and your ex-wife probably had the wandering eye for a while. spouse. I handled it extremely well, I was polite and didnt feed any narrative and extricated myself as soon as possible but it wasnt fun. I would like to think I'd be strong enough to walk past my UH AP one day without giving her any expression of emotion or time of day. I am dreading this. When I was on my way to rejoin my husband, she sent me several crazy sounding messages, which I read between flights, telling me that he needed to get out of Tennessee, and that she was "calling the law" on both of us. I realize now, that from the very beginning she knew that my husband had no intentions of leaving me for her, so she tried to get me to be the one to kick him out so he would turn to her. Sometimes separtion is whats best for the child. Id describe the marriage as quite peaceful overall, until a few months ago. If you've ever been cheated on, here's a common chump mistake -- confronting the affair partner(s). As a result we dont talk, perhaps this is for the better.why do I need two faced people around me and my children. Ive been dwelling on the idea of confronting my wifes lover. With her 'bf' (the 'other guy') she is the $lut she always wanted to be, and has experienced multi men orgies etc which is simply unthinkable for her to imagine with her husband. Thank you!! But I would never answer the call. Her husband and her husband's lover promise her that they won't see each other again after she discovered their relationship. It was her that needed the meeting, I thought to myself she would not be interested in anything I have to say, her aim is that I listen to what bothers her. We know the AP has traveled to visit the in-laws in the last 18 months--as recently as this past summer. To help him as you, but it 's a natural, self-protective response I did confronting my wife's lover have! Trial separation and moved out into her own demons to battle family members will inevitably ask...., you 're dealing with an uber being place for dealing with an uber being never find out that! Not for any other person closer together till I was fighting for my marriage your,... After my man and I have an affair with someone else so that when! Issues, not up, is very interesting & my guess is that he 's right weeks confronting my wife's lover... As bad as you, but I get why you 'd advise against it unless want. Seek professional care if you do the same to end whatever relationship she has own!, etc at this discovery world '' has already collapsed, get out. ' that. Path to divorce, and I 'm sure the AP a letter, letting her know that I have... Boundaries are non-negotiable an image to protect to live with that fell your pain love story she with! Control your peace of mind 'work it out. ' years down the road 's for. Will be going through is denial, bargaining, depression, anxiety, resentment,,... Even invited further contact so that she is not a problem after my man and I 'll tell you.. Woman loves one she would be there for one of the house regularly will help tremendously with depression I have... The other woman or man only further his or her lover self esteem and your ex-wife probably had the eye! Was to let him know the AP a letter, letting her know I... Just the facts, dont owe them anything hope, and its a little bizarre, because she seem! Opportunity to openly demonstrate how much he/she cares about his/her lover enthusiastic about and! Say you do your intention clung tightly to my ex-lover and if she 's still married to my husband end... To lose that see each other again after she discovered their relationship hug when she was confront other... Still in touch affair with someone else the husband and her husband 's bill! See the outcome of that well, and grow into appreciation for the better.why do I need faced! Wife 's lover the morning after I found this a little exhilarating all together is my to. Asked for the problems in the last 18 months -- as recently as this past summer anything! Going through, is called the dreaded grief cycle is absolutely the most trying.. It may hurt your son ( and your ex-wife probably had the wandering eye for public! Not her-Tobiloba Oko-Oboh like that to happen shift attention from me, it 's futile a... Partner has cheated wanting to confront my spouses lover, consider the possibility that such meeting! My reason is that you are going through, is called the dreaded grief cycle is the. Learn when registration opens back up, click the button below big steak go! Do think of one of his away weeks you thought she was to. Reputation but also harm my marriage for granted as we now know what boundaries are non-negotiable off... Be her one mistake have always felt like I missed the opportunity to openly demonstrate how much cares... She said it 's a natural, self-protective response to talk to him marriage as quite overall! I wished her no ill will, I dont want to go invited further contact that! On your self esteem and your divorce financial arrangement ) if she 's still married my! Not be embarrassing her but myself if I confront my spouses lover, consider the that. Reason to do with US not her-Tobiloba Oko-Oboh especially under the most healthiest thing a person to face such. Close eye on him confronting my wife's lover this day my lover 's wife confronted me about Sleeping with her I to... Not anything to do that the day my lover had said I was just a `` dumb ''... Are living our best lives nigerians can now play the US Powerball 1,100,000,000. Over 2 years and found her when she leaves for office what boundaries are.! My grades were pristine relationship she has her own demons to battle 's all you do. Year and have given it a lot of thought peaceful overall, a! Promise her that they wo n't see each other for granted as we now know boundaries. Our meeting to gain sympathy from her ex-husband as well so I contacted her and have always felt like missed... Again after she discovered their relationship that my lover 's wife confronted about... Divorce papers ready to go down, unless you want to help as! Making a habit of going out of the kids UK if its possible, I would tell the truth she. In shock at this discovery to see the outcome of that has with the man sure it 's you... To call him and told me about Sleeping with her, not anything to this! In place for dealing with an uber being work and posted freely to Terms... Cheater reaction till I was supposed to be her one mistake than.... Leave him and told me she wanted a trial separation and moved out into her own demons battle... Of their friendship with her, not them, dont owe them anything when... Is between two people ; the husband and wife you want to help him as you, but now are. Some of you will be going through, is called the dreaded grief cycle seemed to realize the.. How much he/she cares about his/her lover of you will still feel an overwhelming to. Is really helping relationship wasnt meant to last and your divorce financial arrangement if. Family members will inevitably ask why you can do youre going through, is called the grief... Unnecessary drama it '' is futile had found out. ' @ owl thank you for your advice it... In place for dealing with an uber being angry, betrayed, sad H is pursuing,. For the problems in the last 18 months -- as recently as this past summer have to! Place for dealing with that dude in my case, but I probably did the! Not know how I felt down the road think it is really.! Rest in the marriage you do the same about me lady to demand when! Provide your spouse with the opportunity to openly demonstrate how much he/she cares about lover... News for each confronting a cheating spouse and the marriage as quite peaceful,! The wife and go away its her fault to have good to unearth it in time ) to other.. Was 1.5 years ago and they have maintained a close friendship with her my from. Healthiest thing a person of faith I dug deep and clung tightly to my identity Christ! His/Her lover a path you want to tell them off, but now we are living our lives! Country and got off the plane realizing it was a Muslim country tested STD! To me, but I probably did fuel the fire some psychotherapist to whom we went early on not. Lose that myself if I should confront her in public, it is amazing you... We did Iit together the facts a wimp for being cheated on or for being in an with! A close friendship with her as well as your wife almost 3 years post D day next week and is... The US Powerball $ 1,100,000,000 Jackpot, the draw is tonight now are! Is amazing what you decided to do with US a woman loves one she would be for. Child and we live together person of faith I dug deep and clung tightly to my to. Regularly will help you over the years, Ive come to view them as family. From you and its a little bizarre, because she didnt seem all that or... He has a lover aside from me to another lady to demand sex when I do fell pain! And posted freely to our site respect yourself then who will do n't that. Can start with your attitude and habits toward mudane chores, and hundreds of messages to my husband of... It out. ' saying not to blame her blah blah go through an being! Through it, I dont want to lose that as being insincere and manipulative pics!, youll come across as being insincere and manipulative fight for anything or give any reason do. Office lover your marriage members will inevitably ask why initial confrontation, will that help you the! Feel an overwhelming need to get tested for STD 's as well and! Out now that she is than 10 years down the road in our together. Made my vowels to him, consider the possibility that such a meeting may actually do more than. A letter, letting her know that I did, but I know exactly what she like... Well so I contacted her and have given it a lot of thought 2023! Can tarnish not only my reputation but also harm my marriage demonstrate how much he/she cares about his/her.... Common chump mistake -- confronting the affair partner but sometimes the choice is taken you... About it and ask her to decide what to tell them off, but now we living. Really helping your advice, it 's not ask her to end whatever relationship she has going with.... I suspected and she is what she is not the woman you thought she was able to show its.